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Been talking to my therapist and she brings up my trans stuff. Most of the time I keep it out of my head because I am so busy with work and soon school.
But she asks me "what happened". and to be honest i dont really know.
It seems I tapped my gender pain pool again. I thought i was over it. I gained muscle, which before I was practically starving myself and restricted myself to just running. and for a while I didnt bother me my shoulders are getting wider.
But looking at my pictures off my beautiful youthful self I look happy. Happier than i ever look in familiy photos or with friends.
I am thinking about HRT again but i think its a perilous road. I dont want to be swinging between male or female anymore. I want to be mostly one and pursue other things in life
I hope you can find peace in your quest.
You're asian, you have an innate +10 to Androgyny, you'll probably be fine transitioning.
what do you consider yourself now?
I will tell you I wasn't too sure about hormones at first either, but it got to the point that i was cripplingly depressed. After being on Estrogen and a Testosterone blocker for almost 3 months, I can assure you that I feel so much better. I'm happier, I'm more comfortable, and I feel like myself again. I'm on the pills, and i would recommend them highly. The injections are needlessly dangerous, and the pills work just as well. I hope you can ease your dysphoria, I know how much it hurts you mentally.